![\"Mary-and-Phyllis-on-the-Mary-Tyler-Moore-Show\"](\"https:\/\/myadultland.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/Mary-and-Phyllis-on-the-Mary-Tyler-Moore-Show.jpg\")
<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>What little girl didn’t want to grow up to be Mary Tyler Moore!<\/p><\/div>\n
But it had a lot to do with how I would grow to view beauty and the effect of well-packaged femininity. I was hypnotized by the mystery, the fantasy, that was inspired by the dress of the women in Vegas. In stark contrast, back in Brooklyn, the women I knew (most of whom were Greek housewives who also happened to be my aunts) didn\u2019t bare much skin. It’s also much colder there than in Vegas, so perhaps the women of Brooklyn knew what they were doing.<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>Glamorous cocktail waitresses came in all shapes and sizes.<\/p><\/div>\n
But in Vegas, there were plenty of grown women whose hemlines were short like mine. They wore beautiful gauzy mini togas, They wore sheer genie costumes, just like I Dream of Genie<\/i> on television! Their never-ending legs were sculpted in fishnet; their hair, teased to infinity — and beyond! They ruled the world, I was convinced; with their confident smiles and the way they floated and strutted simultaneously (something I\u2019m still trying to master) in their strappy stilettos. Everyone looked at them with admiration and appreciation whenever they approached.<\/p>\n
They were the cocktail waitresses, and I wanted to be one of them. Or at least dress like them. They get to dress like that for work? How fun!<\/i><\/p>\n
And then it got even better.\u00a0 I discovered The Showgirls, and they took glamour to a whole new, stratospheric level.<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>Lido de Paris!<\/p><\/div>\n
When we had company in town \u2013 and it was their first time in Vegas (back then, it usually was) — my parents would oftentimes take them to see one of the shows on the Strip. Shows with dancers: Follies Bergere, Lido de Paris, Jubilee. Sometimes some of the women were topless. I couldn\u2019t go to those shows, because\u2026 I never fully understood why. I mean, I knew<\/i> why; because the women were topless. But I didn\u2019t understand why that<\/i> was bad for me to see. Boobies. My mom had boobies, I\u2019d seen them. My grandmother had boobies, I\u2019d accidentally seen them. I thought they looked funny, and had no idea why the dancers didn\u2019t want to wear one of those pretty sparkly bras in the first place to cover up their funny-looking boobies. But I did get to go to the shows where the dancers did wear the pretty sparkly bras, and on top of it (literally), ginormous headdresses. Feathers! Rhinestones! Boas! I loved looking at the showgirls so much. I don\u2019t recall wanting to be one \u2013 they didn\u2019t really dance so much as walk around, which looked boring \u2013 but boy, did I love looking at them. Maybe I could just\u2026 dress like them. Just a little.<\/p>\n
http:\/\/youtu.be\/9HTddFxc9Ow<\/p>\n
The trifecta of Things That Greatly Shaped My View of How I Would Dress When I Grew Up is completed by the discover of the Miss Universe Pageant, which opened with the contestants parading about in their \u201cnative\u201d costumes. I decided which countries I\u2019d travel to based on who had the most stylish native costume. Didn\u2019t everyone?<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>Clockwise, from top left: me as Cowgirl; me as Indian (yup, that’s what we called it then);me as Genie, me as Maria (from “The Sound of Music”); me as a Swiss Miss (I’m the blond in the yellow skirt, on the right); me as Burger Queen.<\/p><\/div>\n
I just liked the idea of \u201cDressing As\u2026\u201d, so I started doing so myself. I never dressed \u201cAs Cocktail Waitress\u201d or \u201cAs Showgirl\u201d or \u201cAs Miss Universe Contestant.\u201d Although I did come close to the last one, when I was in a figure skating show at the Ice Palace in Commercial Center<\/a>, one year the theme of the annual show we performed was \u201cIt\u2019s a Small World.\u201d I performed in the Swiss and the Chinese numbers. But in daily life, I just tried to tszuj it up a bit with accessories. I went to school as a cowgirl. I went to school as an Indian (as we labeled them, back in the day). I played Burger Queen (Burger King gave out these free paper crowns, and I rocked it). I watched the above mentioned Brady Bunch in pajamas that I accessorized to make me a dead ringer for Barbara Eden in her iconic role.<\/p>\n No Disney princess — not Cinderella, not Snow White, not Sleeping Beauty — could influence my four year old take on The Ideal Woman. But cocktail waitresses, showgirls, and Miss Universe contestants did. The things that were targeted at me had little appeal. Grown-up fashion, grown-up conversation, grown-up music, just seemed much more\u2026 interesting<\/i>.<\/p>\n Perhaps it\u2019s no surprise that the first celebrity who made me feel that tiny tingle in my tiny vagina (what is<\/i> that!?!)\u00a0 for the very first time was not an age-appropriate teen pop idol — not Donny Osmond,\u00a0 not Michael Jackson, not the kid from H.R. Puffenstuff. No, that special honor goes to Charlton Heston. Yes, Charlton Heston. The memory is a foggy one at best. Of course, the place is Vegas. We were at the drive-in \u2013 we\u2019d never been to a drive-in before, another \u201conly in Vegas\u201d wonder, I thought at the time. There were five of us, my parents. two brothers, and myself crammed into my father\u2019s supercool new baby blue Volkswagon (people didn\u2019t need so much personal space in cars back then, apparently). Being a runt and the only girl, I insisted on that coveted tiny space behind the backseat.<\/p>\n