$\"Just$ <\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>

Just moments after our first encounter.<\/p><\/div>\n

Ah, to be a mother.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have children, never had that strong drive, that ticking timebomb in my uterus. That said, I always assumed I\u2019d have a daughter, and a second child (one of them would be a girl, because\u2026 well, just because). Two because being an only child seemed so lonely. And because so much life-learning comes about simply by virtue of being a sibling: sharing, choosing your battles, compromise, conspiracy, etc.<\/p>\n

But it didn\u2019t happen. I had my chance, was married to a wonderful man in the prime of my child-bearing years. But we were traveling, and being struggling artists, so the time was never right. We didn\u2019t try for one, but we weren\u2019t hell bent against it either. It didn\u2019t happen and eventually we divorced and so it all worked out for the best, right? Right?<\/p>\n

Then I got Picard. How he came into my life is a whole \u2018nother story you can read about Here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And, I got it. Motherhood… I got it.<\/p>\n

This love, this \u2013 for lack of a better term, maternal (parental works too, but I\u2019m sticking with maternal, as it is Mother\u2019s Day) love that runs deeper and stronger than any love I\u2019ve ever known. I\u2019ve had crushes and gaga love that feels this intense \u2013 but the excitement wears off, the hormones wane, you look back and go, \u201cWhat was that?\u201d But this Maternal Love, this is hardcore. This is the Real Deal.<\/p>\n

Queue the naysayers, with \u201cLoving your dog is not the same as if it were a child.\u201d You\u2019re right, it\u2019s not the same. Because my dog is pure, as a child is in its early, pre-verbal years. But children, being human, grow up, and learn to manipulate and say cruel things and test us and break our hearts. They learn to hate and they learn to hurt. Hopefully they outgrow that sort of behavior in their teenage years, but I know far too many adult assholes to know that not to be the case.<\/p>\n

There are no asshole dogs.\u00a0 They manipulate and test us and break our hearts \u2013 but never for that purpose alone. It\u2019s always, only to get something they want or need from us, that they know we alone can give them. And they\u2019re not a dick about it if we say, \u201cNo.\u201d $\"4th\"$ <\/a><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Their love is pure, so our love for them is pure. They remind us of our own innocence. They have the power to reinstate our innocence. Their love is perfect.<\/p>\n

My heart swells with this love for Picard every second I look at him: when he\u2019s there staring sleepily as I wake up, when he\u2019s waiting not-so-patiently for me to feed him, when he plays with his bunny (which makes this inane musical noise when he plays with it) because he KNOWS when he successfully makes that sound happen, I will drop everything, whatever I am doing, to DO THE BUNNY DANCE!!!<\/p>\n

IMG_4619<\/a><\/p>\n

So yes, I am a mother, and this Mothers Day is for me. Mother\u2019s Day used to be very sad for me, as I lost my own at 19 \u2013 you can read about that Here<\/a> and Here<\/a>. I could not be more proud of, more in love with my \u201cchild\u201d if he came out of my uterus. I cherish every second with him more so than if he had come out of my uterus, because unlike a human child, I will outlive him.<\/p>\n

Aye, there\u2019s the rub. There\u2019s the one thing that makes my love for him all the more intense and all the more painful: it has a short shelf life. His puppy years are over. He\u2019s five. How the hell did he get to be five already?<\/i> But he\u2019s small and curious and extremely healthy and active (his well being is the most important thing in my life), so he still seems like a young dog. And I swear, all the love I have for him, he feels the exact same way about me<\/a>. He lets me know. He\u2019s the one thing in this world, the one decision I made, that I got 100% right.<\/p>\n

But for now, we celebrate Mother\u2019s Day. Our 5^{th<\/sup> together. And I wish a Happy Mother\u2019s Day to all the others out there who didn\u2019t get the conventional Mother-Child relationship they thought was a guarantee: To the pet guardians, the single dads, the foster parents, and all the teachers\/leaders\/mentors\/neighbors\/friends\/siblings who step up and give the world \u201cThat Mother Thing.\u201d Happy Mother\u2019s Day to all of you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"}