$\"The$ <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>

The author as a a young turk.<\/p><\/div>\n

From the moment you meet someone, you are communicating with them. Mostly, you are telling them about yourself, and how you view yourself, how much (or whether or not you) respect yourself. My peers and I (Gen-X, if you will) grew up reading social cues and emotional cues. We knew that when someone said \u201cyes\u201d with a face full of dread, there was something else going on there. We knew by how someone reacted when they saw us whether or not they felt the same way we did seeing them.<\/p>\n

But times have changed. I read Sherry Turkle\u2019s \u201cReclaiming Conversation.\u201d In it, she says young people DREAD conversation. They fear they\u2019ll \u201csay it wrong,\u201d and so they prefer to text, where they can edit their words so that they \u201cget it right.\u201d Another reason for text is so that they have a record of a conversation (in case they need to disprove someone\u2019s version later). Isn\u2019t that lovely?<\/p>\n

Lost in all this text is facial expression. Body language. The nuances and subtleties that often tell us WAY MORE than what someone is actually verbalizing.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not the kids\u2019 fault. They learn from their parents, and parents of teens and young adults now are every bit as guilty of being glued to their devices as their children. I struggle with trying to spend less time with mine, and have to set hard rules for myself.<\/p>\n

Which brings us to\u00a0#metoo<\/a>. People need to get back to looking each other in the face. People need to learn what the face (and body) language of remorse, guilt, fear, unease, confusion, uncertainty, nervousness etc. etc. etc. looks like. We can \u201ctalk about it\u201d all we want. But we\u2019re not really\u00a0listening<\/em>\u00a0unless we are reading the whole person.<\/p>\n

A few times I found myself in situations I realized I didn\u2019t want to be in. I had sex with someone just to get the whole night over with. That was my choice (in your twenties, having sex wasn\u2019t the worst thing that could happen, even in that situation). Another time I was on a first date with a multi-millionaire who grew enraged when I didn\u2019t want to go to his place to watch a movie after dinner. I\u2019d gone back to mens\u2019 places on the first date before, but it didn\u2019t feel right here. I suggested we see a movie in a theatre instead. He grew enraged, and I told him to pull the car over.<\/p>\n

My point is, we all get in situations that are not ideal (and I\u2019m only talking about dating here). As women, we also have to read visual and emotional cues\u200a\u2014\u200athat charming, attractive multi millionaire\u2026 something told me NOT to go home with him, and his response to my \u201cNo\u201d confirmed how right I was. The sex with the \u201cjust to get the whole night over with\u201d guy\u200a\u2014\u200athat was my choice. I was not a victim in either of these two scenarios. I put myself in them, and I got myself out of them. I own my choices, and I learned from both experiences.<\/p>\n

Of course there are cases far more serious than these, and I\u2019m definitely not suggesting that women can get themselves out of every situation. Men are bigger and stronger and people (especially if we don\u2019t know them well) can become violent surprisingly quickly, especially when alcohol is involved.<\/p>\n

But we need to talk about communication. Talk is great. BUT LET\u2019S NOT FORGET about emotional and social cues. Put down the goddamn devices. You may NOT text a break up, or an apology. We owe those we hurt, intentionally or otherwise, the respect of doing these things face-to-face. We need to see the hurt on their face, the harm we\u2019ve inflicted.<\/p>\n

Judge Rosemarie Aquilina put this into practice in Larry Nassar\u2019s case, when she let 150+ of his victims read their victim statement. He had to see and hear the immeasurable pain and suffering he inflicted on every one of them. We need to get back to a time where we not only recognize it\u2019s wrong to hurt someone, but we are TERRIFIED of the consequences if we do. People have been consequence-free too long.\u00a0#timesup<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"