MyAdultLand

A) Company

B) A second life as an installation in a touring museum exhibit!!!

That’s right, don’t be so quick to throw out those old mementos and relics that only serve to remind you of the broken heart you’ve suffered (or caused).

Come to think of it, Who is quick to throw this stuff out? A lot of people save this stuff: old photos, old gifts, old stuffed animals won at the state fair. Some save them for the happy or bittersweet memories they conjure. Some save them as a badge to remind themselves of the pain they’ve survived and learned from. And others never throw anything away and their homes look like the inside of a junk drawer.

I had one such of these relics. But of course, I love a good ceremony. So years ago I had my way with my memento.

It was a letter I wrote to a certain someone, about 15 years ago. I never sent it. I’m not sure I ever meant to send it. Sometimes I just write a letter to gather my thoughts, and then just keep it. It was a sort of “I love you this isn’t working why can’t we make it work blah blah blah” letter. Not a breakup. But not a lot of hope left in them there words either. But then… the guy beat me to the punch. And I didn’t protest. I knew it was the right thing to do. So we split and he moved to LA and I got my own flat (still here — GOD BLESS RENT CONTROL) but refused to give him my new address & phone numbers because though, on occasion, I may cave and dabble in martyrdom; ultimately, It Ain’t Me, Babe.

I kept the letter. It got old. My life changed. I moved on. I moved. Moving means shedding belongings — at least when you live in the Tiny-Apartment-World that is San Francisco. I was also getting rid of a mirror. Say, there’s an idea.

I saw it. Didn’t know if it would work, but I saw it. Shards Of A Broken Loveletter. So I glued it to the back of the mirror… then shattered the motherfucker. Whipped out my X-acto knife to finish the job, put the shards of broken mirror/loveletter in this glass column, to sort-of give it that natural history “preserved specimen” presentation… And that was it. It’s lost all emotional impact for me. I just thought it looked cool, so I kept it.

So if you are going to hang  onto your badges of heartache, why not reinvent them? Got T-shirt with a logo on it (maybe from the first show he/she took you to)? Stretch it over a canvas and presto! A new dartboard! Seriously, go out and get some darts — that would be awesome if I ever saw that in someone’s home! Maybe you can even make them functional? Decopage your garbage can (or toilet seat)  with old pictures of or associated with him/her? I don’t know, get creative! Have fun!

But back to my object. When I saw that the Museum of Broken Relationships (based in Croatia) was on tour and stopping in San Francisco, I thought “why not?” It deserves a good home. I never dreamed they’d get back to me within 2 hours. But… hey, it was just hours after President Barack Hussein Obama (God, my four favorite words right now) was sworn into office. I just fell head over heels in love with 2009 on that day. And most fittingly, the museum makes its San Francisco debut on St. Valentines’s (reception from 7 – 10pm) day at Root Division, an arts & education non-profit organization that does some amazing work here in San Francisco.

Feel free to bring a date.

Me. On a Nighthawk.

I LEARNED HOW TO DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE!

It was my birthday present, from me to me. I needed to stay close to home this year, so what could I do that would satisfy my lust for adventure, my appetite for adreneline? I wanted to do Jim Russell’s 1-Day Grand Prix Master Program at Infinion Racetrack in Sonoma. But it’s $2.5K. And you don’t get to keep the car. That ain’t right.

So instead I enrolled in the Bay Area Motorcycle Training Program. I don’t have a bike, but have thought about it. I just thought it’d be super fun. Plus I’m tired of being always a passenger, never a driver. On motorcycles, anyhow. And I also thought it might be a good skill to have. Like driving a stick: You never know…

Great program. Great program. Not down with the 7:45 call time at CCSF at 7:45 on a Saturday & Sunday. I don’t think anyone was.

Welcome to the machine.

But the good news is you’re done at 2 (though they tell you 1). The instructors are awesome. You get lots of time on the bikes. And that is… about it. Get a lot of sleep beforehand, because even if you’re fit, it take strength just to operate the bike on the most basic level.

So that was the planned portion of my birthday celebration weekend. With that in mind, I knew better than to go nuts on Friday or Saturday night. So Friday was nice (and stupid early as well): Served breakfast at Glide Memorial at 7am, followed by a luxurious lunch, then a matinee, “Waltz With Bashir”. Not a real feel-gooder for one’s birthday, in hindsight. But I’d heard an interview with the filmmaker, Ari Folman, and was absolutely riveted with his story and his approach to making this a film. It’s stunning to watch. After that, I felt like a day at the spa. After that, what could be better than fondue? When was the last time you had fondue? And that was all about day 1 that I’ll put in writing.

Besides riding a bike, Saturday saw the arrival of an unexpected houseguest. That happens a lot around here, for some reason. But I love my friends, so I don’t mind a bit. It just meant I got absolutely nothing done, and ended up going out that night. Not the best idea, but well worth it.

Sunday I had planned on having just a few friends over after the final day of riding. Though after Saturday night and another 6am wake-up call, I was not as excited about this plan as I originally was. But of course once my peeps showed up I was happy and it was grand.

What did I learn this birthday weekend? I’ll tell you:

1. Getting up at 6am for any reason (when its dark out) 3 days in a row sucks, especially  when its your birthday.
2. The Ooh La La is the best fondue choice at the Matterhorn.
3. Motorcycles are really heavy!
4. Motorcycles are really fun!
5. I look really good on a motorcycle.
6. It’s alarming how much champagne and cheese and chocolate 5 gals can put away.
7. The peanut butter hot chocolate at Bittersweet Cafe will give you an orgasm in your mouth.

Isn’t that a catchy little logline? Thank you. I wrote it.

Sorry if I’m gloating. I’m just UBER EXCITED about the San Francisco premiere of the short film I produced 2 years ago (shot here in San Francisco), “Back Issues“.

And it’s finally making its San Francisco big-screen debut as part of SF Indie Fest, after touring the world on the festival circuit. Screening dates are February 8 & 15 at The Roxie Cinema. Visit the link above for more information. Okay, here’s the synopsis:

It’s Friday morning. A proposal has been made. The clock is ticking. A decision must be reached.

Do you put an expiration date on your dream? That is the question Peter, an aspiring comic book letterer, must face after his proposal to his girlfriend, Felicia, is met with an ultimatum: “Either give up comics and get a real job, or we’re through.” Come Monday, Peter must decide. And all on the day he decided to quit smoking.

As if Peter isn’t under enough pressure, there are still more surprises awaiting him at Al’s Comics, where he works. Al weighs in on Peter’s dilemma – and Al’s opinion is usually not what Peter wants to hear. There’s also Foggy, a regular who paints a picture of love too impossibly perfect (he met his wife at Comicon) to be true. And of course, the annoying customer who just. won’t. go. away. ever.

Things go from bad to worse when the world’s most inept thieves show up to rob the store. Luckily for Peter, he has an ally in Diana, a new customer (and fellow comic book artist) who is much more than she appears. It all leads to a moment of reckoning when Peter realizes that only one thing stands between him and his destiny:

Back Issues.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Also in February, Back Issues is screening in LA as part of the Show Off Your Shorts Festival! It’s also the first 2 weeks in February, and as soon as I have screening dates, I’ll put the word out. Word.

To learn more, please visit the official site at www.backissuesmovie.com. Or watch the trailer here at back_issues_teaser_mpeg_4_300kbps