Feb 3 2012

The Value Of An Ex

Reason #58 to stay in good graces with your exes (if/when that’s possible): you never know when they’re gonna come in handy. Even better, you never know in what way.

For example, I recently got an email from an ex of many, many years ago. Our lives are on opposite sides of the world now (literally), but we do check in occasionally. In this day and age, usually in the form of a Facebook comment.

In this email, my ex, a very talented writer, details a dream he had of me. A very sexually explicit dream. Let me tell you as I told him, he should seriously be writing erotica. Even if I weren’t the inspiration for this dream / short story, I’d still find it HOT. And also, perfectly timed.

I think they're pretty.

I think they’re pretty.

I needed this. My most recent ex made me feel like a pariah in a fishnet bodystocking the last time I tried to seduce him. Not a highlight of our relationship, as I intended it to be. It was surreal (and, needless to say, humiliating). It also shook my confidence and self-image. Things with which I don’t usually struggle too much.

Granted, this email came from the man with whom I had the most incendiary sexual chemistry on the planet. Obviously, incendiary sexual chemistry wasn’t enough to keep us together, but it’s funny how that chemistry still has an effect. Oh him and his subconscious, and — by proxy — on me and the restoration of my self-esteem, by him sharing this dream with me. And reminding me that no, I am definitely NOT a pariah when wearing nothing but a fishnet bodystocking.

This is just one example. There are other ways in which other exes still play a part in my life, just by being true to who they are: the character that attracted me to them in the first place. If I could bundle each of their unique, individual characters — the pieces of them that keep them in my life — into one one man, he would be the perfect specimen. For me. But what fun would that be? Who wants flawless? I certainly can’t offer flawless in return. Flaws are good. They give us heart and make us interesting and complex and vulnerable — and thus more appreciative of others’ love. Now that’s value.